That sounds amazing doesn't it? Sounds wonderful, to have someone who would be so attentive to focus so much on keeping a partner happy and satisfied? Sounds like potential for a wonderful healthy, loving connection doesn’t it?
Well..... here are just a few of Charlie's thoughts on this type of attitude in relationships....
"Willing to do *anything* to keep you happy and satisfied"... let's break this down for a moment...
*Anything* How does this feel to you? An indication of commitment? An indication of how highly this person values me?
Or... an indication that they will place my needs higher than their own? Is this healthy? Is this pleasant to be around? In my own experiences, those who would do *anything* are indicating how desperate they feel. How much they are yearning for the experiences they think I might give them. They are using their imagination of how amazing I would be, and expressing how much they desire me. A compliment right?
Not for me it isn't. Why? Because I don't want someone who would place someone else's happiness as a higher priority than their own. Does this mean I want someone selfish? Nope nope nope.
What it does mean is that I want to connect with someone who has a deep sense of self awareness of their own needs, and to be willing to do *anything* to take care of *themselves*, first and foremost. Because when we place other people's needs above our own, it means we don't respect ourselves. We aren't loving ourselves. We are literally placing another human being higher in our priorities.
In my vast experiences of failed relationships, this doesn't work well, for the individual "dedicated" nor to the person they are "dedicating" themselves to... If your needs as a human aren't met, you are not going to be happy and fulfilled in your life. And quite honestly, who wants to be in a relationship with someone who is unhappy? I don't mean discarding people because they have unhappy moments. Unhappy moments and periods in life are inevitable as humans.
In spite of the guff that is constantly spewed out to us, unhappy moments, sad moments, angry moments are all healthy, positive aspects of being human. Negative emotions are great signposts for humans. Not an indication of how we have failed. Happiness is not the “normal” state of the human mind”. It’s fleeting, and although happiness may be an accurate indicator of how they are overall, it does not mean the person is absent of negative emotions. I tend to avoid people who avoid negative emotions, because I find them useful.
Often negative emotions are signposts, they are warning us of danger, sometimes they are feelings of insecurity, which give us the opportunity to understand what we might need to feel safer. Sometimes they are indicators that we might be too tired, hungry, or lonely, and they give us an opportunity to look at the decisions we've been making about our own well being. It’s similar to the “automatic pilot” on planes, most of the time it’s actually off course, making constant corrections to get back on track.
But the experience of someone on the outside constantly trying to make me happy? That just feels invasive to me. It feels controlling to me. It feels like they want to take responsibility for my happiness, which quite honestly feels like stealing my autonomy.
For me, respecting mine and others' autonomy is the greatest gift. It allows humans the freedom and flexibility to make their own choices, discover things about themselves. Helps them be happy, healthy and wealthy, because they can make decisions in their own power, understand those decisions on a deeper level, and learn through their life experiences.
So, I say no, no thank you. I am responsible for *my own* happiness, and I want to connect with humans who take responsibility for *their own* happiness.
I learned many years ago that intimacy between two humans was kind of like an infinity loop (imagine the infinity symbol in which each person is at the centre of each loop). Each person in their own integrity, exchanging energy (through experiences) with each other. Each individual having their own experiences, their own lives, and coming back together afterwards, sharing companionship with each other. If the infinity loop is closed, or access to other sources of enjoyment, fulfilment, stimulation, fun, or relaxation gets closed off, it becomes rotten and festers pretty quickly into a rancid mess, the opposite of love.
People need multiple people to be happy and healthy, it's why we have more than one friend, it's why we have a desire to *belong*. It's how we thrive. The concept of one single human being responsible for another's happiness, is for me creepy and dangerous as fuck. I don't want any part of that, thank you very much!
So… these are just a few of Charlie’s thoughts about an expression of someone being willing to do *anything* to keep me happy and satisfied. Are you curious about what prompted this churning out of thoughts from my brain this fine frosty winter’s morning?
Well… as is so often the case, someone online expressed this to me. The first time they communicated with me, in any way was to post: “Wish I would get lucky to facefuck you 😍😍😍, I’d love to lose my virginity to you naughty girl 😋🤤🍑👅💦 would be willing to do anything to keep you happy and satisfied”.
They are willing to do *anything to keep me happy and satisfied*, except, of course, for reading my profile. Reading the profile which would help them understand that I am not a kink dispenser, I don’t exist to get people off. That actually I am *not* a naughty girl, in any way, I am a *good girl*.
Reading my profile is just way too much effort. Reading the profile which I’ve taken a lot of time, effort, energy and thought into creating, (for the purpose of telling people what is important to me), so they might understand what I value in connections, how I like to be communicated with. Perhaps one could say that my profile is literally a guide to how to make Charlie “”happy and satisfied”. Reading that, that is too much effort. Too much effort even for one who is “willing to do anything to keep me happy and satisfied”.
And so, whilst many of us get irritated by these constant messages from people who are ignorant, who don’t actually value us enough to read our profiles, sometimes, sometimes, they inspire me to write, to churn out thoughts about relationships, connections, intimacy. I do hope that maybe, maybe one person reading this might get an insight into how they can understand themselves on a deeper level. How they might focus on their own happiness, so they have even more happiness and loving energy to give to the hoomans they are connected to.
Knowing what makes us happy, it’s that which makes other people happier because happiness is infectious. Happy people encourage and inspire others to be happy. Happiness is an inside job, when we nurture our needs, we become happier, more loving and have more compassion, patience, and tolerance. We are able to better respect other humans’ autonomy.
I’m a work in progress, but I’m constantly striving to be a better human, because then I will have more to offer the wonderful humans I have in my life. This is what inspires me.
So if you’ve ever thought about sending a message such as “Wish I would get lucky to facefuck you 😍😍😍, I’d love to lose my virginity to you naughty girl 😋🤤🍑👅💦 would be willing to do anything to keep you happy and satisfied.” perhaps, perhaps you could take a few minutes and read their profile first.
